Thursday, January 27, 2011

If you can't find it, brew it.

FACT: Coloradans love microbrews.

Since I turned 21 while living in Southern California... and since we bought our second house on freaking Wisteria Lane... I learned to drink a plethora of wine (would you say I have a plethora of pinatas? Sorry, I can't say the word "plethora" without referencing "Three Amigos") since there were a butt-load of vineyards and wineries. After I convinced El Jeffe (yes, I heart the Three Amigos, get over it.) to move to Colorado, we realized that the peeps here are serious about their brews. We have our Fat Tire, Breckenridge Avalanche, 1554, Hazed & Infused... and that's just the tip of the lushy iceberg. Yes, we also have the Coors Brewery out here, but nobody drinks that crap... I mean, it's not like we're a bunch of vatos watching a baseball game in Dodger Stadium. Yes, I just said that out loud.

Since Corona was the only beer I had ever tasted, my uneducated pallet came to the conclusion that all beer tasted like piss water. No, I've never had the pleasure of having urine in my mouth. I imagine that's what piss would taste like... like warm, bitter tears and chiclets that have been stomped on after a Tijuana donkey show.

Jeff and I struck a deal: he'd give coffee a second chance (he hated coffee) if I gave beer a second chance. Ah, it was magic in my mouth! Sweet, sweet beer... how could I have ever doubted you? We began to go on a microbrew frenzy! We toured all of the local breweries and drank to our liver's content. We tried a beer that had a cream soda taste to it, and for the life of us, we can't remember what it's called. We've searched high and low for this magical brew. Perhaps our memories were a bit fogged by its 12% alcohol content.
I recently told Jeff, "Hey, since I love to cook... and I love to drink beer... what if I brewed my own beer? Wouldn't it be cool if I could recreate that cream soda beer? It's not like I need a penis to brew great beer, right?" He instantly began to drool and stamped the El Jeffe Seal of Approval to purchase a brew kit. I have this friend, The Dude, who is an amazing brewer. He's been brewing for years and has taken courses from well-known brew masters. I gave him a ring-a-ling and he happily took me under his wing. (See what I did there?) I met with The Dude a few days ago and he helped me shop for an awesome brew kit... he even gave me one of his recipes! I'm going to attempt to brew my first amber ale this weekend. I figure, no matter what it tastes like, it'll probably turn out 100% better than that Corona piss water nonsense. Besides, El Jeffe doesn't believe in wasting beer. I guarantee that every drop will go down his belly--good or bad.


  1. Sounds like we need to create another blog where the Brewers and the Lewisis document their homebrewing experiences. Rob bought a homebrew kit a few weeks ago and will break it out once we move.

    Good stuff. Although, I had to spend most of yesterday explaining to numerous contractors that we aren't really alcoholics; we're just collecting all of those empty beer bottles for brewing purposes. I don't think they believed me.

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  3. IAL! I loved when we had our previous house on the market. We had a GIANT 5-gallon jug of beer fermenting in the basement and I had a closet full of bedazzled belly dancing costumes. They probably thought we were alcoholic adult entertainers. If I walked into our house to look at it, I would have judged us...

    We converted the garage fridge into a kegerator, so I'm going to keg our beer instead of bottling it. I'll probably bottle in the future, but The Dude said it can be a pain in the ass sometimes, so kegging it is (for now, anyhow.) :)