Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Nucking Futs!

Dear Lord Baby Jesus, looking at your Baby Einstein developmental DVDs, learning your shapes and colors... please help me to refrain from back-handing the crazy moms at my son's school. 

It's moments like these when I'm SO GLAD that I decided to write an incognito burrito blog.

[Insert sigh of relief here]

The best part of living in Uppity, Colorado is the people--or I should say parent--watching. I sit at the school events and just let it all soak in... the smiles they throw one minute, then the daggers they shoot as they walk away... the emails, oh the wonderfully versed (and terribly spelled, might I add) emails! It's pure entertainment for this curly-haired girl.

So there are these two moms... let's call them "Angela" (she's the self-appointed party mom from last year. I call her Angela because she's like Angela on the sitcom "The Office") and "Dearest" (as in Mommy Dearest... the lady constantly drives through my stop sign while talking on her cell phone with kids piled in her car). Okay, so Angela was the self-appointed party mom in my son's class last year and Dearest was the self-appointed party mom in her kid's class last year. The elements have aligned and forced these two women to be in the same class this year... it's a regular Clash of the Titans! These two women are currently having a pissing contest to see who is the best Martha Stewart party mom. I purposely use Martha Stewart as the example because I think she's full of shit and her recipes suck. Okay, so back to my story...

Angela sends out an email asking for the moms to have a party planning meeting at her house. Yes, you read that correctly: she wants to have a meeting at 6pm on Thursday to plan a Valentine's Day party for 4th graders. Dearest decides that she's busy that night, and God forbid she miss the BIG meeting, so we should all chat via "reply all" emails. My smart phone starts blowing up with emails about the VD party, so I begin reading the threads. Yes, I'm still talking about a Valentine's Day party for fourth graders. They're talking about crafts, games, prizes, red-colored food, a freaking chocolate fountain--the whole freaking nine yards! Did I mention that they also thought it would be fun to have the kids do line dancing?! Yours truly finally decided to chime into the virtual pissing contest:

Here's a thought: after asking Trevor about the previous party, he mentioned that it would be fun just to sit around and be able to chat with his friends. I know he's a boy, so it's not like he's the voice of the classroom, but I have to agree with the simplicity. The kids are at the age where having tons of craft projects and games can be a bit tedious. Plus, it seems like we always run out of time. What if we had food, a game and then let the kids hang out together and have some music playing in the background?

With parental guidance, and Mrs. Teacher's approval, what if we let the kids plan their party? We can coordinate the food and they can decide/vote on their activities. What do you all think?

-Curly Sue

I received a halfhearted, bullshit response. You know, the kind you give your kid when you're trying to appease them? It's not like I have the kids' best interest at heart. I mean, that would be crazy... to actually let the kids decide what kind of party they'd like to have... total nonsense! I actually had an out of body experience when I was floating above myself asking, "Are you being crazy? Are they the normals ones?" I then realized that I was the normal one, especially since IT'S A FOURTH GRADE VALENTINE'S DAY PARTY!!!

I've decided to be Switzerland. I'm going to watch the chocolate fountain make a mess, not offer to help clean it up, watch the kids not participate in the line dancing and report back with another awesome blog about how ridiculous the entire party turned out. Sometimes it's good to be a gangsta'.


  1. I still can't get over the fact that these mom's are planning a party to celebrate VD.

  2. well are you going to post the follow up??? We're dying over here.

  3. Oh my word! I totally forgot about my blog! Yes, I shall post a follow up!

  4. Follow Up: The mom finally agreed to let the kids vote on the following two parties:

    1. An organized party with games, crafts, line dancing and other crap.

    2. Food, bring the electronics of your choice and hang out with your friends (my idea).

    Guess which one was voted on unanimously? That's right, choice number two. They still had the chocolate fountain, which made a mess. I smiled at them as they were cleaning the huge mess, then walked out the door.